And So We Are

Blog

985 Miles

I drove 985 miles last week.

Home to Nashville to Georgia to Nashville to home. It was just me, Jesus, and my little blue car. I spent three to four hour trips at a time in prayer, singing along to the radio, and processing. There was laughter when I completely botched the high notes in sing-a-long songs. There were tears when Jesus and worship lyrics got the best of me. There were moments of bold prayer and moments of ridiculous car dancing.

It was healing. It was life-giving.
It was beautiful.
I spent a few days sitting with my best friend, talking about nothing and everything – on her couch, in her car, on the floor of the guest bedroom, at the dining room table. We checked in on what’s been happening in our lives and what was happening within our hearts. We laughed, we got real, and we let ourselves be. I’ve never told her this, but at the end of two out of three trips to her home in the last six months, I’ve driven away fighting tears. Hers is a home that you don’t want to leave. She is a friend who makes it hard to say goodbye. Open space and understanding are hard to come by, and she consistently gives me both without hesitation.

 

Photo Feb 04, 2 55 42 PM

 

I spent three days at a place I believe God has sealed as sacred ground, and there a group of entrepreneurs studied the gospel and explored what it means for us.

 

I walked in with some jagged edges and fresh stitches on my heart, little pieces of me that weren’t quite healed after being wounded. Even still, I was expectant. I knew God led me to this retreat for a specific reason. Friends were praying – for healing and a sense that He was redeeming it, for Him to reveal Himself to me, and for my acceptance of His approval over my life.  He heard those prayers.

 

Through small groups, conversations, and speaker sessions, I was reminded of the gospel in such a deep way. I’ve heard Him tell me He loves me in this season – over and over. I’ve written it out in journals and online. I’ve made reminders of it and read it in Scripture time and again. And yet, there was a disconnect within me during this season of my life- until this retreat, where sitting in a chair and hearing a breakdown of my identity based on the gospel, everything shifted.

 

I finally heard it.

It ran deep to my soul and healed the jagged edges of my heart. He loves me and I have His approval. It’s not based on me and my efforts or on the approval or lack thereof from other people. It’s based solely and completely on God. He created me in His image. He gathered me up and said, “this one is Mine,” redeeming me on the cross and breathing new life into me. He delights in me and the relationship we have. He is continually working in me to make me a new creation, day by day. He’s not angry with me or searching to find fault in me the way I’ve so desperately searched myself. He isn’t speaking accusation over me; He is rejoicing over me with singing. He is gentle and kind, and His kindness leads to my repentance when I do fall short.

He loves me. He knows every bit of me.
And He approves of me.
I walked around campus a bit before leaving for Nashville, and I did it with a smile. I did it with peace in my heart. I did it with a greater depth of understanding and personal impact of Jesus Christ and the gospel in my heart. I did it with an image in my mind of my heart wrapped up in a brilliant band of His love that surrounds and covers. And there, securely encompassed and protected from all manner of enemy, I could see myself upheld – completely safe from accusation and abuse, able to heal fully as the love is absorbed, and excited to walk with Him into what’s next.

 

I drove 985 miles last week.
It was well worth each and every one.

 
.

Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Be a Friend…

Stay In The Know…